With six months cycling under our carbon belts, and approximately 7000km travelled on European roads, we are happy to report that we have generally not had a problem with motorists. In fact, cycling just one day in Melbourne and I’ve usually had more issues with impatient, ignorant, idiotic drivers than six months in Europe.

But there is one category of vehicle that does stand out as more death-inducing: BUSES.

It doesn’t matter what country you’re in or what road you’re on, buses pass us TWO TIMES closer than any other vehicle. They always fail to wipe off any speed; their gigantic, rectangular, incredibly non-aerodynamic shape doing all sorts of strange things with the wind as they swipe past our arms.

So:
If trucks, cars, motorbikes and motorhomes can wait until after a corner to pass, why can’t a bus?
If trucks, cars, motorbikes and motorhomes can overtake in the opposite lane when given the opportunity, why can’t a bus?
If trucks, cars, motorbikes and motorhomes can wipe off a bit of speed to pass, why can’t a bus?

Could This Be Why?

Firstly, there must not be a bus driver in the world who has ridden a bicycle on a road. That makes them all completely unaware of what it feels like when a 14 tonne coach passes by.

Secondly, buses carry people and people care about time. People will remember when a bus is late, but never when a bus is early. This weighs on a bus driver’s mind constantly, reducing their job to a battle for timeliness.

This is the bit when the Hawking-esque moment happens: time is warped! When a bus driver has to wait just THREE SECONDS in order to slow down for a cyclist, it seems like THREE MINUTES of time lost in their heads.

Conclusion

Bus drivers are idiots. Especially tourist bus drivers.

Bus drivers have lost track of reality due to their lack of empathy towards being a cyclist, as well as their warped perception of time. If it wasn’t the case they would surely afford us more safety.